My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
