dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
