Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
