I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
