i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
she peed on how many people?
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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