Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
