We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Randomize
