I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
