I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
