I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
