We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
