I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
