I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
