How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
