I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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