I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
