Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
