2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
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