Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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