a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
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