So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Randomize
