I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Randomize
