based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
The police scanner is talking about you again....
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
