I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
