So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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