it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
its liver damage thursday
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
