Ambien. No doubt about it.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
