when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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