Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Randomize
