Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
