I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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