its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
i barfeds in our rink
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Be still, my beating vagina.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Randomize
