I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Randomize
