Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I'm too high and old for this...
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
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