he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
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