please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
you never un-have a 4some
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
