Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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