There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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