Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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