I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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