there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I just gift wrapped bread.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
