hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
