i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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