Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
