my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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