So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
