New low: just hacked my moms facebook
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Randomize