Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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