If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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