So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
