Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize