Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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