Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
