Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
