I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
