I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
