Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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