maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
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