I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
