Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
