so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
