Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
