were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
