Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
