I've blown a few things in my day
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
