never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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