i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
