I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize