Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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